I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
