I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
