i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
