I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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