I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
