Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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