The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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