i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
