these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
