Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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