Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
