just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
