The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
