Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
