guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
