How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
