my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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