Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
