Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
