your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
too bad you live with your parents still
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
