I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
