I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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