I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
