wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
