My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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