the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone shattered a urinal.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
