I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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