You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
