how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
