I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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