Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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