I can tuck mytits in my pants
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
