You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
