Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
