I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
