Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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