Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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