Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
