just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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