I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
