Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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