Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
