the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
