They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
