it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
