Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dicks are not precious.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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