i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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