You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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