Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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