I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
