does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
