I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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