I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
