I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
