billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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