I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
