My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
