My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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