It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
