So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
