well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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