jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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