Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
