are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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