So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
