Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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