i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize